3 years.

august 6th.

3 years ago on this day, a plane landed in a Ugandan airport.
there were probably hundreds of people on that flight. every single one of them had lives & purposes. some of those people were natives, coming home from trips abroad. some of them had family there they were visiting. some of them were foreigners, coming back to somewhere they'd been before. some of them were seeing this place for the very first time.

I was one of those people.

& it was on this very day, 3 years ago, that my life changed forever.

I was 12 years old. I'd never been out of the country before, heck i'd hardly been on an airplane. i'd never been on a mission trip. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I'd wanted to go to Uganda for months, I was so excited I could hardly breathe or think about anything else.

& I was so, so incredibly naive.

I'd seen pictures, I'd heard stories, I even knew some of the people's names. but I had absolutely no clue what I was walking into.

I had no idea the hurt I would witness, I had no idea the joy I would feel, I had no idea what that love would be like, or what would happen when I came home.

I had no idea the effect that trip would have on my life, but more importantly, I had no idea how enormously different my life would be after I returned home 2 weeks later.

Uganda had already become a pretty big part of my family's lives that year, but that August, things got personal. Those people became a part of my life. Going to Uganda wasn't something my family did, it was something I did.

& there was no going back, my heart was tied to this place, & it was for good.

3 years ago, I didn't think I could love this place or these people more, today I laugh at what I thought was love back then.

12 year old me, being in Uganda for the first time, had no idea the joy & the love I would experience over the next few years. Had no idea you could love someone as much as I have, that that was even possible. Or what it would be like when I thought I couldn't love someone any more, & yet it still happened. What it would look like to understand just how much my Father loves me, that He would allow me to be part of something that brought so much love & joy into my heart, when He really could do it all Himself. I had no idea I would grow to find so much joy in every day I spent there. I had no idea how much my heart would grow to ache at the thought of being back again. The joy I felt being there that August pales in comparison to the joy I felt getting off that plane a few months ago.

But that's not all I didn't know.

12 year old me had no idea the pain I would experience over the years to come. A few years ago, my life was pretty stinking easy. My idea of what it felt like to be hurt was like a paper cut compared what the next few years would bring. I had no clue how much it would hurt to be away from the people I love. I was utterly oblivious to what it would feel like when that love was pulled out from under me. I didn't know what it felt like to love them & lose them. I didn't have any idea the heartbreak I was in for. I didn't have a clue how many hours I would spend crying, or what it would be like to grow to hate parts of the country I thought I loved everything about.

Uganda holds some of my most beautiful memories, a lot of my most painful moments, times I've felt more scared than I thought possible. It claims some of my brightest smiles & most genuine laughs, & also some of the most tears shed. It was the backdrop for many of the experiences that have made me into the person I am today.

My life today looks dramatically different than it did 3 years ago. My every day thoughts have changed, my ideas about what my future would look like have changed, my priorities have changed a lot.

The last few years have been by far the hardest of my life, they've been beautiful, amazing, & I've seen God come through in incredible ways more times than I can count, but they're been painful, heart wrenching, & have left me both completely in awe & completely at a loss.

& I'll tell you right now that I wouldn't trade them, this love or these scars, for the world.