"That's how you know you've got a home, that when you leave it, there's this feeling you can't shake, you just miss it"
Some of us are lucky enough to have found more than one home, or perhaps it's just one, but in different places. It's beautiful & amazing, it's a blessing & I couldn't be more thankful.
But it's hard.
It's beautiful & it's painful, it's amazing & it's heart wrenching, it's a blessing & it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Living between countries hurts, on one hand I'm always home, I find home with my family & my friends & my church. In doing school with my little brothers, or sitting out on our porch swing listening to music. In InsideOut on Wednesday nights, or staying up late talking about life with my best friend.
I find home with my kids & my family here & the people, no matter how much they may drive me crazy sometimes. In reading to the kids, in teaching them games & playing Ugandan games. In helping them with their homework & trying to keep up with their fast paced hand clap games in Luganda. In doing Sunday school & teaching them from God's word, in putting bandaids on scraped knees & holding them when they fall until they stop crying.
But though I'm always home, I'm always not fully home, there's always something missing, I'm constantly wishing to see someone I can't, who's not there. Constantly wishing to do something that I can't wherever I may be. I'm always homesick, for one place or the other.
It's easier here in Uganda, missing home in Kentucky. Of course I miss my family & my friends, but while I'm here for 2 months, I'm in the states the other 10. Because I know what it feels like to go much longer than two months without seeing my babies, I know how hard & how painful it is to be in Kentucky. Of course I'm looking forward to seeing people again & doing things I can't do here, but I can't wish away my time here, because it's always limited. I know what day I leave to go back to Kentucky, but when I get back, I have no idea how long I'll be waiting to be in Uganda again.
Everyone asks me if I "miss home", like I'm not there. The answer is yes, I always miss home, from Kentucky to Uganda I always miss home, whichever one that may be.
For the next two weeks I refuse to wish away my time here, even though I do miss my family, & sometimes I do wish I could wear shorts or go swimming or go out with my friends, my time here is so incredibly limited whenever here, that I choose not to be anything but ALL here, I can't be wishing to be somewhere else when right now, right here, there's a reason I'm here & I wouldn't give it up for the world.
Living between countries, between homes, isn't an easy life to live, but it's mine, & it's amazing.
